I’m Lenore Welby. I’m a producer for The Martha Stewart Show and the mother of three children, Charlotte (8), Daniel (6) and Penelope (3 ½). My daughter Charlotte has several food allergies. In fact, a recent study shows that 8% of children in the U.S. have food allergies. So, chances are you know -- or will know -- some of these children. Below are "10 things children with food allergies want you to know." The list, which my friend Gina Clowes created (more on Gina below!), has been translated into many different languages and has been read around the world!
10 Things Children with Food Allergies Want You to Know
By Gina Clowes
1. I long to be included.
I would like to look, act and eat like everyone else. I'd like to buy my lunch and sit wherever I want. I know I can't, but I'm happy when someone cares enough to provide a safe potato chip, cookie or Popsicle for me. It's nice when I can have something similar to what the other kids are eating and I love it when I can eat the same thing as everyone else. Whenever it's possible, please think to include me!
2. I'm scared I could die from my food allergies.
I've heard my parents and teachers mention "life-threatening" food allergies and I remember having some reactions where I felt very sick and really scared. I saw how frightened my parents were too. Sometimes, I could use a little reassurance that I will be okay.
3. I feel like I'm the only one sometimes.
If you have a support group or know another way for me to meet other children who have food allergies, I would really like that. It would be nice to know that I'm not the only kid who has food allergies. Having another friend with food allergies in my classroom or to eat with me at lunch would help me too.
4. I get confused when grown-ups offer me food.
I know I'm supposed to be polite and listen to grown-ups, but my parents have told me I should only take food from them. When you offer food to me (especially candy), I'd like to take it but I'm unsure and don't know what I should do.
5. If grown-ups kiss me, right after they've eaten something I'm allergic to, I'll get itchy spots.
If your dog licks me, I'll get itchy spots too. I don't feel quite brave enough or know how to tell you this, but I'm hoping you will remember; if you've just eaten something that I'm allergic to, I may get hives so please don't kiss me right after you've eaten that particular food.
6. I'm embarrassed when people fuss over what I'm eating.
I know I have to eat my own safe food, but it¹s easier for me when I'm not singled out. Sometimes, I feel very embarrassed when grown-ups ask me a lot of questions. More than anything, I just want to fit in.
7. I hear all adult conversations about my food allergies.
My ears perk up when I hear grown-ups mention my name or my food allergies. Please don't pity me or act terrified because that will cause me to feel frightened. Food allergies are just one part of me. Instead, let me overhear you list all the wonderful things about me!
8. Sometimes I'm sad about having food allergies.
It's hard to be the only kid in the class not having a birthday cupcake and having to eat something different from my box of "safe treats". What makes it worse, is knowing this will happen a lot throughout the year because there are 20 or more other birthdays in my class. I know it's not the end of the world, but from my perspective, it's pretty tough at times.
9. I'm watching you! You may think that I'm too little to notice, but I know when you forget my EpiPen® and return home to get it.
I watch you every time, when you're reading the list of ingredients on my bag of Skittles. You are my role model and I'm learning how to manage my food allergies from you!
10. I will do about as well as you do.
My parents and other grown-ups "can-do" attitude will help me cope with the challenges of living with allergies and ensure that food allergies don't stop me from being everything I was meant to be!
Excerpted from the eBook "Ten Things Children with Food Allergies Want You to Know"
Reprinted with permission.
Gina Clowes is an advocate, speaker and Master Certified Coach who specializes in the needs of parents of children with severe food allergies. She is the author of the best-selling children’s book "One of the Gang: Nurturing the Souls of Children with Food Allergies" and the popular ebook “Ten Things Children with Food Allergies Want You to Know" . For more information, please visit AllergyMoms.com.
One lucky reader will win a copy of each of Gina’s books. To enter please leave a comment below. Read the full Terms and Conditions.
From: Rosa O. Clifford | 9/8/11 at 11:31 am
Wow, thank you for posting this.Thoughtfulness is something you can't have too much of. Very touching and a must read for every person that doesn't have a kid with allergies. It takes a village. Thank you for sharing!
From: Shannon | 9/8/11 at 12:16 pm
Excellent info for those of us who do not have children with allergies. We all too often forget how singling these kids out makes them feel. Thanks for the reminder!
From: Angie Nordstrum | 9/8/11 at 12:36 pm
As a food allergy mom and support group leader, I strongly recommend Gina and her "10 Things List!" Gina is an amazing inspiration to all of us in how to successfully manage a food allergy lifestyle. Thanks to Lenore and MSL for posting!
From: Kelly Rudnicki | 9/8/11 at 2:33 pm
This post blew me away. So beautifully written, and as the mother of a severely food allergic child, I appreciated the powerful messages behind these simple statements. It moved me to tears, thank you Lenore and Gina...
From: Leah | 9/8/11 at 2:50 pm
As a person who didn't discover her food allergies until she was out of college, I know what kids go through. I'm often surprised I even survived to become an adult, and am not surprised I didn't do better in school because I was, actually, sick all the time, it wasn't in my head!
I don't have the life threatening reactions, but my reaction to corn is severe enough. I just wish more allergists would treat food allergies the way mine did - too bad he's retired.
From: Connie Green | 9/8/11 at 2:52 pm
Thank you so much for writing this post, and for including Gina Clowes' 10 Things! It is *so* important to educate people what it's like to live with food allergies, especially for children who are often not included. I've been lucky with my 8 yo son up to now, it has been "water off a ducks back", but this last month, for the first time he said to me "mom, I don't like being left out at school with the parties, and also when they have summer-camp fun food activities that I can't join."
From: Michelle Fogg | 9/8/11 at 2:57 pm
Thank you for sharing Gina's 10 Things Children with Food Allergies Want You to Know and for helping to raise awareness! My eight year daughter also has multiple severe life threatening food allergies as well as my five year old son. Gina's advice and '10 Things' list is something I have internalized and share frequently. I also feature it on our support group website and share it during food allergy awareness week
I truly believe our children will only do as well as we do!! Thank you again! -Michelle Fogg, Utah Food Allergy Network
From: Cristina Stainkamp | 9/8/11 at 3:20 pm
I am the mother of 3 children, two of which have severe food allergies. I greatly appreciate Gina writing the unspoken truth from children about this medical condition. As parents we are their best advocates and it is our job to keep them safe.
From: Debbie Bornilla | 9/8/11 at 3:21 pm
Thank you for posting this! I recently gave Gina's "10 things" list to my support group members and my children's teachers. As another parent shared with me, we need to help ensure our children not only survive, but also thrive! This list helps others become aware of how they can show compassion and decrease the emotional and social ramifications of having food allergy in this food driven culture. I am thrilled MSL is helping get the word out!!!
From: Sally Porter | 9/8/11 at 3:41 pm
I have been using this list from Gina for the past few years when my son begins school. It is wonderful to include for his new teacher - it seems to say it all. Thank you for sharing it with even more food allergy families.
From: Ayoungberg | 9/8/11 at 4:13 pm
Like you said, chances are just about everyone will know someone with food allergies if not experiencing it within their own family. Gina's '10 Things...' does a great job of covering so many aspects from a kid's perspective. Thanks so much for posting this article and raising awareness about food allergies!
From: Cristy | 9/8/11 at 4:28 pm
Divine Intervention? maybe.
I'm typing this totally teary eyed. My daughter, 20 months old, just had her first allergist visit after a severe reaction to peanut butter last weekend.
This tab was on my cell phone from last week, I was looking at Halloween ideas on Martha's blog. I tapped his page to see if it was something I wanted to save, it reloaded and here was your post about your child having food allergies and this heart wrenching top 10. I'm terrified, exhausted, and overwhelmed. This hit home, I want nothing more than for my little girl to have as normal a childhood as possible. She is still too young to understand, and hopefully by the time she's ops enough to know, we will have it under control, if that's at all possible with multiple food allergy diagnosis??!
This is brand new to us, sorry for dramatic rambling. I'm going to check out the AllergyMoms link, thank you.
From: jill mindlin | 9/8/11 at 4:36 pm
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful piece. It really shows how our food allergic children feel in their hearts. I hope everyone reads this whether or not they have a child with food allergies!
From: Sarah Albert | 9/8/11 at 4:56 pm
This piece is a great example of the message I try to spread in my food allergy workshops, what I call "passion for compassion". Way to go Lenore for sharing Gina's great work with Martha's audience!
From: Brianna Murratti | 9/8/11 at 5:04 pm
Thank you for sharing this and helping to get the message out. We're still in the early stages of learning how to manage our 17 month old son's severe allergy to peanuts and kiwi.
From: Lisa Giuriceo | 9/8/11 at 5:21 pm
Thank you so much for sharing Gina Clowes' "10 tips every food allergic child wants you to know." I am the Support Group Leader for the Food Allergy and Asthma Support Group of North Jersey and the mother of 9 year old daughter who has multiple severe food allergies. I have shared Gina's tips with my support group members and with my daughter's school. We are so fortunate to have Gina represent parents of food allergic children so well. Thank you so much for posting Gina's 10 tips and for bringing awareness to the public about food allergies. We are forever grateful.
From: allergymoms.com : : Blog » Food Allergies from a Child’s Perspective | 9/8/11 at 6:23 pm
[...] friend Lenore Welby is a mother of three, wife, producer for the Martha Stewart show, and a rock star allergy mom. Even [...]
From: Gina Clowes | 9/8/11 at 6:50 pm
Cristy,
You are not alone. We "allergy moms" have been in your shoes.
Sadly, there is no day off from food allergies but it does get easier.
And there is a lot of promising research on the horizon.
Hang in there!
Lenore,
Thanks for featuring the list my friend!
And thanks to everyone for the kind words. So nice to hear.
Gina
From: Thanita | 9/8/11 at 6:55 pm
2/3 of my children have multiple life threatening allergies. My youngest is allergic to 9 foods, 1 medicine, several environmental triggers (cats, ragweed, grass pollen etc) and we are currently testing her for more food allergies and a food allergy related disease (Eosinophilic disorder). I love Gina's list. It really makes it clear what our children really wants and needs. Thank you for posting this.
From: Lori Sandler | 9/8/11 at 9:32 pm
Thank you for focusing on the "heart" of the matter when it comes to how children with food allergies feel, Lenore and Gina! What a beautiful and important piece. xo Lori
From: Kathleen bahe | 9/8/11 at 9:44 pm
Thank you for posting!!! As a food allergy mom and support group leader, Gina's '10 Things' list really hits home. I agree with Debbie's post 'help ensure our children not only survive, but also thrive!', well said! I don't think the general public understands the impact food allergies have on a childs life - emotionally, socially...it's more then just what they eat, it is a way of life. My heart is heavy thinking about the struggles my little one conquers - it's a wonder how he copes so well and has become quite the little man! Education, awareness and love! Kathleen, Boulder Allergy Kids, CO
From: Theresa Marie Green | 9/8/11 at 9:51 pm
Thank you for helping to educate the world about food allergies. Like you and the other parents that posted, I am a mom of a child with food allergies. I am continually trying to help others understand food allergies and that they are real. That food allergies are not food intolerance. And considering a child's feelings when a parent insists on bring unsafe cupcakes to school ....
My son's food allergy actually inspired me to start http://www.allergyapparel.com in 2008. I feel fortunate that it gives me the opportunity to stay in touch with products that help me keep him safe but also give me avenues to educate others.
Thank you for sharing this and spreading the word.
-Theresa Marie Green
From: Lori | 9/8/11 at 10:30 pm
As a mother to a child w/ life threatening food allergies, I cried reading this. My daughter is only 17 months old and went into anaphalactic shock at six months old. I do so much to try and keep her "safe" and try to have her feel as "normal" as possible. She is too little to understand now, but reading this list just reinforces how different these children feel. This broke my heart, but at the sane time gave me extra motivation to ensure that our allergy children can feel like everyone else!!! Thank you for posting!!!!
From: Colleen Dabler | 9/8/11 at 10:42 pm
Thank you for this article. I've been a fan of Gina Clowes for quite some time now. It is helpful to have people like yourself raise awareness for food allergies. I share the "10 things" list with teachers and family.
From: dani bryant | 9/8/11 at 11:03 pm
I am an adult with a severe milk allergy, and I do remember thinking those thoughts as a child. Such a good post!
From: Kristin | 9/8/11 at 11:11 pm
This is a great, insightful article. Thank you! My son was in a preschool that had three kids in the same class of with peanut allergies, including my son, and the director still refused to ask parents to not bring things with nuts. Made me so frustrated the number of times my son had to eat graham crackers because the snack the parent brought wasn't safe!
From: coco huber | 9/8/11 at 11:11 pm
My daughter has a food allergy, and now she is grown up and is very responsible managing her food allergies! Such good tips for all to read.
From: ted bryant | 9/8/11 at 11:13 pm
Living with a wife who has food allergies, these tips are very accurate and helpful. I love to help her cook safe meals, and we do not have anything in the house that contains milk (her allergy). She is a great cook, and I have gotten great cooking lessons from her, despite all the recipes being dairy-free!
Ted Bryant, U of U Food Allergy Support and Awareness (President)
From: markus huber | 9/8/11 at 11:14 pm
Wow, great tips. I am glad food allergies are getting more attention and awareness brought to them
From: charl | 9/8/11 at 11:41 pm
Boy does this hit home our youngest was born with celiac disease 43 years ago and there was nothing in print or made up gluten free for anyone in those days. It was trial and error for a long time. She had the intestinal type so we always knew when she ate something she should not have had. My older daughters said i should have written a book at that time with all the tricks and ways I had to plan around her meals. It was a good thing that I was a nurse. IT took 2 years to get a diagnosis for her we had her all over Montana where we lived and no one knew for sure what it was, when a young doctor came here to work he was from Canada he took one look at her and said that she had celiac He had been dealing with several children in Canada. She was just 2 like i said above. My dad said that after we got her on the diet that we could find at that time rice potatoes and soy, that she went from an infant to a little girl in 2 weeks,It was always a challenge with her growing up. She has 2 boys and no celiac which is a blessing .
From: Food Allergies from a Kid’s Point of View « Food Allergy Information | 9/9/11 at 4:59 am
[...] Food Allergies from a Kid’s Point of View [...]
From: Food Allergies from a Child’s Perspective | Food Allergy Daily | 9/9/11 at 5:21 am
[...] friend Lenore Welby is a mother of three, wife, producer for the Martha Stewart show, and a rock star allergy mom. Even [...]
From: Jacqueline | 9/9/11 at 11:17 am
This brought tears to my eyes, especially number nine. As a mom with two daughters, 16 & 13 yrs., with multiple severe food allergies, everything on this list hits home. Thank you for giving voice to our children's feelings and basic needs.
From: cheraflu | 9/9/11 at 11:20 am
Thank you for the post! My best friend has a wonderful kiddo with multiple severe allergies and I know how hard it can be, especially when folks who don't know any better treat it flippantly, as if it "couldn't really be that bad" -- or get weird and treat the poor little guy as if he's a pariah.
From: Courtney | 9/9/11 at 11:30 am
This is a wonderful piece. My son has peanut and tree nut allergies and this is what I'd imagine he'd say and think a few years from now. The single best bit of advice in this, I think, is the parents having a 'can do' attitude. It makes all the difference in the world to the child and really colors the way they see their food allergy.
From: missi | 9/9/11 at 11:39 am
I fought back tears as I read this list. This is the perspective that I and other people need to be aware of every time they think of a child with food allergies. I have a child with multiple life-threatening food allergies who, as he gets older, is beginning to express how he feels about his food challenges. It's eye-opening!
I always wanted to know exactly how my child felt and, since being recently diagnosed with wheat allergies myself and after reading this list, I am FINALLY beginning to TRULY understand. THANK YOU for sharing this list!
From: Chris George | 9/9/11 at 11:40 am
Thank you so much for publicizing this matter. It's all about awareness! and public understanding! Currently, there is a group of families in Canada attempting to raise the awareness of our federal elected representatives ( http://www.cai-allergies.ca ). Exposure of the serious issues facing those dealing with anaphylaxis from respected media sources such as yours is very important - and helpful. Thank you again.
From: Ann Davies | 9/9/11 at 12:14 pm
I LOVE this!!!! My 14 year old son has had severe, life threatening allergies since birth to many different foods. He would agree with every single comment on the list. The friends and adults who do "get it" and are respectful of his special needs have made all the difference in the world for him. There are people who just don't get it, but that's their loss not ours!!!!!
From: April Zamora | 9/9/11 at 12:42 pm
could of not been said better..my son who is 7 has many food allergies & we can relate to this. Thank you so much for helping others understand what kids & families go through when dealing with food allergies.
From: Kathleen Spaeth | 9/9/11 at 1:44 pm
My son was diagnosed with a severe paenut allergy at 1 1/2 years old. When he was younger, keeping him safe was the only thing on my mind, and I'd go to great lengths to do it. Now that he's 10, he not only worries about his safety, but about being excluded or feeling left out when it comes to sharing a treat or a meal. He longs to try new foods because "they look and smell so good." He'd give anything to have a cookie from the local bakery or get an ice cream at the dairy farm. Having friends that are aware of his allergy and look out for him has made all of the difference. Educating children and parents not only creates awareness, but teaches compassion. Parents often call me before a class party or birthday to find out if my son can eat the food they would like to send into the classroom. Sometimes he can have it, other times he can't but it warms my heart each time I learn that a classmate has changed his birthday snack to a treat that my son can share. Thank you for helping to create a more compassionate world!
From: Kathleen Spaeth | 9/9/11 at 1:48 pm
My son was diagnosed with a severe peanut allergy at 1 1/2 years old. When he was younger, keeping him safe was the only thing on my mind, and I'd go to great lengths to do it. Now that he's 10, he not only worries about his safety, but about being excluded or feeling left out when it comes to sharing a treat or a meal. He longs to try new foods because "they look and smell so good." He'd give anything to have a cookie from the local bakery or get an ice cream at the dairy farm. Having friends that are aware of his allergy and look out for him has made all of the difference. Educating children and parents not only creates awareness, but teaches compassion. Parents often call me before a class party or birthday to find out if my son can eat the food they would like to send into the classroom. Sometimes he can have it, other times he can't but it warms my heart each time I learn that a classmate has changed his birthday snack to a treat that my son can share. Thank you for helping to create a more compassionate world!
From: Dee Dee Boyd | 9/9/11 at 2:23 pm
I love this article and really appreciate it. My 10 year old daughter has a peanut allergy. It is scary to find out you have a child with a life-threatening allergy and your child will have to deal with it (as will you) for the rest of their life. I also lost a child to cancer several years ago, so this doesn't make it any easier on me. Worry, worry, worry. My daughter is good about paying attention, but I know you can never be too sure. I WOULD LOVE TO WIN A COPY OF THE BOOK. Thank you so much for writing it.
From: Sue Younker | 9/9/11 at 4:27 pm
So glad there is becoming an awareness. My daughter feels like her life is in a bubble. Food is everywhere and a threat to her life. She feels like an outsider looking in. My heart broke when she told me she was a LEMON. (like a bad car that can't be returned). Mercy on these kids that have such severe allergies that living is anything but easy. So thankful for your network. Understanding what these kids are up against is soooo important. Thank You:) B's Mom
From: Roxana | 9/9/11 at 6:39 pm
Bravo!! Beautifully written and spot on.
From: lauren davis goldschmidt | 9/9/11 at 6:49 pm
words cannot express how wonderful this blog is! i only wish the readers and wonderful people who are fortunate enough to not be afflicted by allergies directly or indirectly receive their karma for taking the time to just read these entries. because you want to become more aware so that you can help those with allergies is truly remarkable. may you never have to suffer yourself and thank you !
From: Poker Chick | 9/9/11 at 11:22 pm
Loved it years ago and love it today. As a mom to a child with multiple allergies, think it's all too true.
My one thing I want people to know as a parent: There are two ways to deal with me: you can be compassionate or you can be selfish. Either way you're making a conscious choice that you will have to live with.
From: Kathy | 9/10/11 at 8:18 am
This is a great list! As the parent of a four year old with allergies, it definitely brought me to tears. Children with food allergies, especially young children, want to be just like every other child. It isn't easy for parents of children with food allergies to educate others who do not face these issues but this list - which is so simply and eloquently written - will certainly help. Thank you for posting.
From: Pam Vaughn | 9/10/11 at 8:32 am
Thank you so much for writing this, such a thoughtful perspective on food allergies.
From: sarah chuck | 9/10/11 at 4:29 pm
I love how insightful this list is, and so true. I am a mom of three food allergic children and it really is a balance between protecting your kids and empowering them. Thank you!
From: Joanne Knefel | 9/10/11 at 7:07 pm
THANK YOU for sharing this! I have a severely food allergic child and I will share this with her school and others!! This is WONDERFUL!!!
From: RMF | 9/11/11 at 10:50 am
Lenore, Check out "SafeKeepers" at safekeepers.us or on facebook. These are specially marked food storage containers that help families with food allergies keep food safely organized. Great for children, sitters and grandparents! Robert
From: Erin | 9/11/11 at 8:52 pm
I would love to win! As a new mom to the food allergy world, I have so much to learn.
From: Sarah | 9/12/11 at 12:42 pm
This was so poignant. Thanks so much for sharing! I emailed it to everyone who is a caregiver to my child.
From: Christine M | 9/12/11 at 4:14 pm
This is a great article. Our son has an egg allergy so its been easy for us to adapt but sometimes we forget to check at restaurants and realize our errors when his face breaks out.
From: Alana Elliott | 10/3/11 at 3:20 pm
Lenore, thanks for putting up Gina's list and sharing that your own family is affected. With 8% of children with food allergies and over 12 million Americans with food allergies, this isn't a rare diagnosis anymore.
Gina's tips are a must for all newly allergic parents but others such as teachers, family members, caregivers and even foodservice providers need to have some insight into the emotional toll that food allergies take on children and their families.
I applaud MarthaStewart.com for bringing these issues to mainstream media. Keep it up!
From: Angela Moustafa | 3/3/12 at 4:29 am
Thankyou for this. I teared up reading this. My 13 month old was diagnosed with allergies at 7 months and we've been learning to cope with it ever since. My 2 yo knows to not let his brother eat his food because "it's dangelous" and "might go to hopital" (his words). It's become normal for us to check EVERYTHING and, when w'ere at parties etc., to not let him out of our sights. I do remember at the start feeling so overwhelmed but am discovering it gets easier. There is a chance he'll grow out of a couple of his allergies but not all of them. Who knew celery could be so dangerous lol. Sorry for writing so much but it's a good feeling to know that I'm going to be heard by people in a similar situation to me and it's nice to just let it out
Thanks again.